The Door.

Even though I spent most of the weekend on the couch, I didn't see my dad that much. The Cowboys lost on Saturday night, so he boycotted football for the rest of the weekend.

Since I have nothing new to report, I thought I'd share one of my favorite stories...

Dad goes out partying with his friends on a Saturday night. In the morning he has to drive Grandma Hays to church because she doesn't know how to drive. They pull up to a stop sign and they both look over to the ditch where my dad's best friend, Roy's car is abandoned and parked. 

Grandma Hays turns to Dad and says: David? Why'd you pee on the door last night?

Dad: What door?

Grandma Hays: My bedroom door.

Anchorman

I'm watching Anchorman.

Dad: This is the only one of his movies I think is funny.
Me: Oh, you've seen it?
Dad: Yeah. He seems to like kissing guys.

Tree

While trimming dead leaves from a plant in the living room.

Dad: You know a tree has an IQ of 8.

Philip Seymour Hoffman

Philip Seymour Hoffman was on the Daily Show tonight. He was really fat.

Me: Wow he's really fat. The first movie I saw him in he jacked off and used his come to attach pictures to the wall.
Dad: Huh. Well, he was probably just acting...
Me: Yeah, probably.
Dad: ...at the direction of some pervert.

Ornaments

I was decorating the tree and showed Dad the ornament I made last year.

Me: This is the ornament I made last year. (pause) It's a vagina.
Dad: I probably would've figured that out eventually......it is one of my favorite things.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

The original version of The Day the Earth Stood Still is my dad's favorite movie. I've heard the story about the first time he saw it (several times). He was only a few years old at a drive-in with his parents. He remembers standing in the car and leaning over the seat watching the movie.

So, he's been obsessing over this new version for some time now. He was happy to hear when they retooled the robot. 

Dad: (in a very "fatherly" tone) So, we need to talk about this weekend...

Me: Ok. (I have no idea where this is going. I think maybe he wants to talk about the ornament decorating party I'm having, but can't figure out why he'd want to talk about that.)

Dad: Friday is when The Day the Earth Stood Still comes out.

Me: Oh, right!

Dad: And I'm wondering how I'll determine if I should see it. I don't like Keanu Reeves......for anything.

Me: Yeah.

Dad: I was thinking, if you have some friends who go see it and they tell you it's good......they're wrong.

Me: (laughs)

Dad: I mean if it's a good as Iron Man, I'll go see it. Because Iron Man was funny. I liked Iron Man. But if it's as good as the Incredible Hulk, I think I'll pass. 

Your Mom.

Dad: You know your mom was 120 lbs. and 6 foot tall when I met her.

(LONG REFLECTIVE  PAUSE)

Dad: I think we burned those pictures.