Dad's Birthday

Yesterday was my dad's 55th birthday. I called him to say, "Happy Birthday." It was a short conversation. His friend Bernie was at the house.

Dad: Bernie's here.
Me: Cool.
Dad: He got me a card. It's PG.
Me: It's PG?
Dad: Well, it would be rated R if you removed the black dots.

Babies.

My stepsister recently had a little boy. They live with my dad and his wife. He's never been around a baby this much in his entire life.

Dad: I walked over to his crib and he was just laying in there crying, so I said, "Crybaby."

Republican.

Dad: I'm not a Republican. I just vote like one.

Phoebe.

Emailed my dad to let him know I'd be stopping by the house on Sunday. I was excited to see my first cat, Phoebe.

Me: Tell Phoebe I'll be there on Sunday.
Dad: She has been informed.

The end.

Well, he's gone. We had a nice drive to St. Louis. 

While listening to Paul Simon, he turned it up and said, "This almost makes me wish I had rhythm." We also listened to a Mitch Hedberg stand-up CD. He enjoyed that as well. 

Driving past a bus stop on Western Ave...

Dad: She must be a detective.

Me: That one in the leather jacket?

Dad: Yeah. She's wearing heels. All the female detectives on TV wear heels.  

When we got to St. Louis, we went to O'Connell's to eat. I have to say this way the perfect ending to our 10  months together. Sitting in a big wooden booth at my favorite bar in  St. Louis, drinking beer and eating burgers with my dad.

Now, I think I may have to start a blog about all the crazy shit my mom says to me on the phone. She had a great line this weekend. 

Leaving.

Me: Hey, Dad. Are you excited for our road trip?
Dad: (sigh) Have you ever really seen me excited?

Yikes!

Last night I was in the kitchen making dinner. Joe was on his way over. Dad comes in the kitchen, scares the shit out of me, and then sits down to talk about this Paul Simon/Steve Martin audio clip I sent him earlier in the day.

Joe shows up and walks in the kitchen. 

Dad: Hi, Joe. (pause) You know, I've known her (me) a lot longer than you. In fact, I bet I've seen her naked more than you have.

Laptop.

Huey knocked over my Macbook this morning. The screen is fucked. I told Dad about this...

Dad: I think that would make me despondent for about 20 minutes.

It's official.

I'm renting a car and moving my dad home to St. Louis on Friday. So, I guess I'll try to get what I can out of him this week. 

Yogurt.

While watching a commercial for Activia.

Dad: What is yogurt? A milk product?

Sad.

I'm a little sad. 

Dad is thinking about moving in with my sister in St. Louis.

Gay.

We were talking about a woman who didn't age so gracefully.

Dad: I'd hit on me before I'd hit on her.

Me: I think that would make you gay.

Mustache.

Dad: I shaved my mustache once. (pause) About 30 years ago. (pause) I think I was in high school.  (long pause) Or maybe it was 7th grade.

Another.

Me: Do you need a beer, Dad?
Dad: No. It's a want.

Well, shit.

Went home with a friend this weekend. And she pulled out this drawing from college. In on quadrant, she was asked to draw the most disgusting thing she could think of.

She drew someone pooping.

I showed this picture to my dad when I got home.

First he said, "I don't think I like Jess anymore."

Then...

Dad: Ok, I've got a story for you. I was camping with a few friends. Mark you know; and Fred you don't know. And they both confessed that they'd put a mirror under their asses to watch themselves poop.
Me: Ugh!!!! Gross!!!!!
Dad: Yeah, can you believe it. Out of the whole world, two guys did that and I know 'em both.

WTF?

Appreciation.

As I was walking out the door this morning...

Dad: Hey, kid. 

Me: Yeah?

Dad: In case I don't say it enough, I really appreciate everything you do for me.

Me: Do you need money?

Dad: No.

Then this afternoon he added me as a Facebook friend. 

I love my dad.

:)

Battlestar Galactica

Friday was the series finale of Battlestar Galactica. My best friend, Jess, came home to find her fiance watching the show without her. He was an hour in, said it was good and told her to watch the rest of it with him. He did not understand what a foul this was.

I told my dad the story.

Dad: How old is he?
Me: He's my age.
Dad: Huh. So his brain is should be fully developed.

Sunday

Got up this morning.
Made some coffee.
Dad walks in the kitchen.

Dad: You have the day off?
Me: What?
Dad: You took the day off?
Me: It's Sunday.
Dad: No, it's Monday.
Me: No, it's Sunday. (pause) I swear.
Dad: Really?
Me: Yeah. Yesterday was Saturday. I had people over on Friday.
Dad: Huh. I figured this would happen.
Me: Well, you don't have football to tell you what day it is.
Dad: True. And it's not like basketball is going to help me with that.

Breaking Bad.

Will recommended that I start watching Breaking Bad. I really like it, so I decided to tell Dad about it. Turns out he already watched the first season. We sat and talked about our favorite weird, little scenes and quotes.

He's so cool.

I don't know what he'd do in the basement if he didn't download torrents. 

:)

Poor Little Huey.

I took Huey to get neutered yesterday. He had started trying to mount Jack the cat. Dad, of course, was a little sad about "the castration."

This evening he asked...

Dad: So, what did the vet look like?
Me: I don't know. I took him to this place in the ghetto. The guy that checked to make sure Huey's testicles had dropped was a black guy with curly, oily hair.
Dad: Hmm. Because he won't come near me. I thought maybe the person who did this to him looked like me.

It was so cute. Dad was a little sad that Huey has been avoiding him.