Yikes!

Last night I was in the kitchen making dinner. Joe was on his way over. Dad comes in the kitchen, scares the shit out of me, and then sits down to talk about this Paul Simon/Steve Martin audio clip I sent him earlier in the day.

Joe shows up and walks in the kitchen. 

Dad: Hi, Joe. (pause) You know, I've known her (me) a lot longer than you. In fact, I bet I've seen her naked more than you have.

Laptop.

Huey knocked over my Macbook this morning. The screen is fucked. I told Dad about this...

Dad: I think that would make me despondent for about 20 minutes.

It's official.

I'm renting a car and moving my dad home to St. Louis on Friday. So, I guess I'll try to get what I can out of him this week. 

Yogurt.

While watching a commercial for Activia.

Dad: What is yogurt? A milk product?

Sad.

I'm a little sad. 

Dad is thinking about moving in with my sister in St. Louis.

Gay.

We were talking about a woman who didn't age so gracefully.

Dad: I'd hit on me before I'd hit on her.

Me: I think that would make you gay.

Mustache.

Dad: I shaved my mustache once. (pause) About 30 years ago. (pause) I think I was in high school.  (long pause) Or maybe it was 7th grade.